Love Language

Video Blog 3 v7

Love language  (Have it in pixie dust)

I remember when my friend Bill Flash name on Screen visited me in the hospital…those first few days after my stroke …in March 2008. 

I motioned for Bill to hand me a pencil and paper. Pause Then I scribbled out a note. Pause

I then looked at what I wrote and it became clear to me…. Pause  I understood the challenges that I would be facing… going foward. Pause

I told him to deliver the note to my wife.   He looked at it and Pause  became tearing eyed. Show teary eyed clip

Teary Eyed

I still have the note and I can see why he became teary eyed. It  Show note    said  tell my wife Jill Pause that I still “ love her. “ Pause   Different Angle Now I’m becoming teary eyed!  Different Angle  Pause

Even when I didn’t know anything, I still knew that one thing: I loved my wife!  Show hearts

Are you in a relationship now? Pause  Are you going thru life,…married…and just taking that relationship for granted?  Pause  Different Angle Don’t do that! Different Angle

Listen To This!

Stop what you are doing …and start expressing gratitude… Pause today.

Pause First, Tell her how well she treats other people;  Different Angle

Pause Second, Tell her you like her sense of humor; Different Angle

Pause Third, Tell her that you really respect her.   Different Angle

Pause Fourth, Tell her that she makes you laugh at the funny stuff  Different Angle

Pause  and finally Fifth, Tell her that you love just being around her. Different Angle

Pause Are you doing this nowPause

Gary Chapman ’s book….The 5 love languages,  explains how you need to talk in your partners love language.  Pause

It Works!

Jill told me about the book and suggested I take the Love Language test.  Pause  It turned LL Test out our love languages… LL Test are similar. …We do value what the other person is feeling.

The Love Language book has changed the way we look at relationships. Pause  Where do you start??? Pause

Take the Love Language  Quiz and read the Love Language book. Love language quiz This will lead you to speak in THEIR love language; honor where THEY are.

Pause I summary, THEIR life … Pause  and YOUR life Pause  will be out if this world! Pause Pause


You want to know something??  Pause Gifts Pause is one of the love languages…and is not one of the things that means that much to us; Pause show love language but gifts  was my mothers Love Language; Pause  

She was all about gifts. Gifts for Christmas, gifts for your birthday, little cards for no apparent reason, etc. Pause Pause I realized that, and started giving her gifts and cards… around holidays, especially mothers day!  She love that;  What a difference it made in her remaining years!  Smile

Did you ever feel like giving up?

If you did, read this note and the lessons learned  It was posted on Facebook and it really struck home with me…especially Tips 11,12 & 13. It really describes how we all should be. I hope you like it:

The telephone rang. It was a call from his mother. He answered it and his mother told him, “Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday.”

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

“Jack, did you hear me?”

“Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It’s been so long since I thought of him. I’m sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago,” Jack said.

“Well, he didn’t forget you. Every time I saw him he’d ask how you were doing. He’d reminisce about the many days you spent over ‘his side of the fence’ as he put it,” Mom told him.

“I loved that old house he lived in,” Jack said.

“You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man’s influence in your life,” she said.

“He’s the one who taught me carpentry,” he said. “I wouldn’t be in this business if it weren’t for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important. Mom, I’ll be there for the funeral,” Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser’s funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time. Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered.

Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture…Jack stopped suddenly…

“What’swrong, Jack?” his Mom asked.

“The box is gone,” he said.

“What box?” Mom asked.

“There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he’d ever tell me was ‘the thing I value most,'” Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

“Now I’ll never know what was so valuable to him,” Jack said.

“I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom.”

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. “Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days,” the note read.

Early the next day Jack went to the post office and retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.

“Mr. Harold Belser” it read.

Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope.

Jack’s hands shook as he read the note inside.

“Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It’s the thing I valued most in my life.” A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filled his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: “Jack, Thanks for your time! — Harold Belser.”

“The thing he valued most was my time!”

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days.*

“Why?” Janet, his assistant asked.

“I need some time to spend with the people I love and say I care for,” he said. “Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!”

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.”

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it’s 100 percent true.

1. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

2. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.

3. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

4. You mean the world to someone.

5. If not for you, someone may not be living.

6. You are special and unique.

7. Have trust sooner or later you will get what you wish for or something better.

8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

9. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a hard look: you most likely turned your back on the world and the people who love and care for you.

10. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

12. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you’ll both be happy.

13. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

To everyone who read this just now….

*”Thanks for your time.”* ????

and one more testimonial…

Am I on a roll? It is kind of cool getting one more testimonial in a month:




Wow! Overcoming adversity, commitment, love, Faith, communication, passion, are just some of the things I felt during Gordon and Jill’s presentation. But the biggest thing that pulled at my emotion was a desire to act! Get my life and protection based assets in order and fast. 

Also, I was inspired to go and help more people get their financial life in order ASAP. I will not take ‘NO’ for an answer!


Jim Lake
VP & National Head of Sales, Life, DI, & Retirement Income Specialists, CAS, RICP®

Who knew!!!!

Study: A Lengthy, Stable Marriage May Boost Stroke Survival

Posted by Amy Norton, HealthDay Reporter

Researchers found that among more than 2,300 stroke sufferers, those who’d been “continuously” married had a better chance of surviving—versus both lifelong singles and people who’d been divorced or widowed.

The long-term marrieds’ outlook was better even compared to people who’d gotten remarried after divorcing or losing a spouse.

The reasons for the findings aren’t completely clear, and the study doesn’t prove a cause-and-effect relationship. But researchers said the study highlights the potential importance of “social support” in stroke recovery.

“This implies that the support of a lifelong partner has benefits,” said Dr. Ralph Sacco, a professor of neurology at the University of Miami and a past president of the American Heart Association.
A spouse can give emotional support, he said, as well as help with day-to-day basics—such as eating a healthy diet and remembering to take medications.

“People sometimes consider it ‘nagging,’ but it can help,” said Sacco, who wasn’t involved in the study.

“What we don’t know,” he added, “is whether other forms of social support might have similar benefits.”

In a previous study, Sacco and his colleagues did find that older stroke patients who had friends generally fared better than those who were socially isolated.

But it’s not clear whether friendships directly aided people’s stroke recovery. And no one knows whether unmarried stroke patients would live longer if they joined a support group, for example.
Those are important questions, according to Matthew Dupre, one of the researchers on the new study.
It’s known that “social support” can help people stick with their medication regimens or change unhealthy habits, said Dupre, an associate professor of community and family medicine at Duke University in Durham, N.C.

So it’s possible that unmarried stroke patients could benefit from resources that connect them with other people, according to Dupre.

“More research is needed, though, to know the full implications of our findings, and to identify possible avenues of intervention,” he said.

The findings, reported Dec. 14 in the Journal of the American Heart Association, are based on 2,351 U.S. adults who’d suffered a stroke. Their health was followed for about five years after the stroke, on average.

During that time, 1,362 people died — leaving just under 1,000 survivors. Among those who survived, 42 percent were in a stable marriage with their first spouse. That compared with 31 percent among patients who died.

Overall, Dupre’s team found, lifelong singles were 71 percent more likely to die than stroke patients in a stable marriage.

Much of that disparity seemed to be explained by “psychosocial factors,” the researchers said — including depression symptoms and a lack of children or other close relationships.

It wouldn’t be surprising, Sacco said, if depression were a key reason that unmarried people tend to fare more poorly after a stroke.

“Depression is common after stroke, and it’s been shown to be a predictor of stroke outcomes,” he said. “Depression needs to be recognized and treated.”

Dr. Paul Wright, chief of neurology at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, N.Y., agreed.
He said stroke patients at his center are routinely screened for depression. But the new findings, he said, suggest that unmarried patients may need closer attention in general — including extra help with lifestyle changes that can improve their outlook.

“We may need to bring them in for follow-up earlier, and start monitoring them more closely,” Wright said.

Lifelong singles were not the only ones at higher risk in this study. People who’d been divorced or widowed were more likely to die after their stroke — particularly if they’d lost more than one marriage.
Patients who’d been divorced or widowed more than once were about 40 percent more likely to die than those in stable marriages. And those who were currently remarried fared no better.
Certain practical factors, such as income and access to health insurance, seemed to explain part of the risk — but not all of it.

“It may be that patients with a history of marital instability experienced more severe and debilitating strokes — and in turn have fewer economic resources and social support to use toward their recovery,” Dupre said.

For now, Sacco suggested that stroke survivors “reach out and interact with other people” if they feel isolated. Many hospitals have support groups, he said.

People could also try community or church organizations, or even online groups, Sacco said — though, he added, “we don’t know whether computer connections can replace face-to-face human connection.”
Wright agreed that unmarried stroke survivors should reach out for help. But in reality, he added, many do not — so their family members should be proactive.

“Be the ‘nudge’ who makes sure they’re taking care of themselves, even if they say they’re OK,” Wright said.

Copyright © 2016 HealthDay. All rights reserved.

Fraud Prevention Checklist


Elder Impact

New technology & communication, while opening the door for many positive avenues of progress, also makes us more susceptible as targets for scammers.  These individuals reach out to as many people as possible under some guise until they find someone who falls for their tricks.  The range of tricks being used by such scammers is always growing and evolving.  While you cannot know the details of each one of them, you can get a sense of the general types of scams out there.

Today’s seniors came from a generation raised to accumulate savings, to trust others, and to feel ashamed if they make any mistakes that feel “foolish”.  Because of their advanced age, it may take awhile for seniors to remember the events associated with the fraud and, when they finally do, the memories are somewhat faded.

Additionally, because advanced age can cause increased reliance on caregivers, family, and friends, abuse and fraud can happen with those individuals as well, breaking trust and taking advantage of need.  The answer is absolutely not to resist asking for help, but to educate yourself so that you can recognize the signs of any problems and intervene appropriately.

Based on the National Council on Aging’s “Top 10 Scams Targeting Seniors,” we’ve assembled a checklist of steps you can take to prevent falling prey to fraud. Review this list with your loved ones, checking off items as you complete them and making notes for future steps.  It might be a good idea to print out this list and keep it by the phone/mail spot in the house.

On a personal note, this story hits very close to home: my husband’s grandmother was recently conned out of $9,000 when a caller from Vegas pretended to be her grandson – with whom she hadn’t spoken on the phone for awhile – and claimed to have run into some financial trouble, such that he now needed both a plane ticket back home as well as some money wired over.  This caller begged the grandmother “not to tell anyone” about what he was going through since it was so embarrassing. – MV

Table of Contents

  1. “Hi Grandma, it’s me…” – The Grandparent Scam
  2. “I’d like to help you deal with your loss…” – Death scams
  3. “Let’s reassess your home” – Real estate scams
  4. “Hi, I’m a Medicare Representative…” – Medicare fraud
  5. “Affordable prescriptions available here…” – Drug scams
  6.  “With modern science, who needs wrinkles?” Fake anti-aging products
  7. “Update! Click here…” – Internet fraud (including email/phishing)
  8.  “I am a Nigerian prince…” – Financial schemes
  9. “You’ve won the lottery!” Contest scams
  10. “Hello there, we need your help!” – Bogus Telemarketers


  1. “Hi Grandma, it’s me…” – The Grandparent Scam

As described above, scammers will call seniors claiming to be a grandchild in distress, requesting assistance and also discretion – both easy to obtain from the loving grandparent eager to help.

[  ] Make a list of family contacts, and if you ever receive a distress call, make sure you’re able to confirm the distress through contact initiated by you.

[  ] Never give out your personal information.

[  ] Never wire money except through a bank wire transfer, which requires confirmation of identity from the recipient.

More information: 

  1. “I’d like to help you deal with your loss…” – Death scams

There are many potential avenues for death scams, from claiming a fraudulent outstanding debt on behalf of the recently deceased through overcharging individuals for funeral costs.

[  ] Always ask for a written price list in advance of your visit.

[  ] Never consult with just one funeral home. Shop around to better understand the services and products offered.

[  ] Check your state laws on embalming, autopsy, and other issues concerning death.

[  ] Make sure you read through and understand all of the details of the contract, including cancelation and refund policies.  Do not hesitate to ask for more time to read through, to take the documents home and process.  If anyone tries to pressure you to sign right away, leave; you should never be forced to sign a document under pressure.
More information:


  1. “Let’s reassess your home” – Real estate scams

Using fake letters from the local assessor’s office promising reassessment with potential reduction in annual tax burden for the homeowner, scammers will artificially alter the value of a home to then encourage the homeowner to take a reverse mortgage.

[  ] Always be wary of unsolicited phone calls or other contact.

[  ] Always ask for references on the person/group contacting you, and be sure to research them online using sources like Google, Yelp, etc.  Ask for help from a family member, friend, or even your local librarian.

[  ]  Never pay for any services in advance.

[  ]  Never sign any documents without reading and understanding them in their entirety, as well as running them past your most trustworthy contact.
More information:


  1. “Hi, I’m a Medicare Representative…” – Medicare fraud

A phone call from someone claiming to be a Medicare representative to a senior aged 65 or older is too often enough to obtain personal information, which can then be used to file false claims and extort money from the system.

[  ] Don’t give anyone your Medicare or Social Security number or card, outside of your doctor/authorized Medicare provider.

[  ] Keep track of your doctor’s appointments and check that your Medicare statements line up with the services you were provided.

[  ] Don’t bend to pressure to buy any products or services on the spot; always ask for literature and time to think it over, then research on your own, in your own time.

[  ] Be skeptical of medical products or services that are advertised as being cheaper than usually offered.  These are usually scammers seeking to prey on the financially responsible.
More information:


  1. “Affordable prescriptions available here…” – Drug scams

With prescription drugs adding to the long list of high medical costs, it’s no wonder that cheaper options would be tempting.  In addition to conning people out of money, such scams are dangerous because the ‘medicine’ being sold is often expired or some other substance altogether, posing risks to the patient who takes them.

[  ] Be skeptical of door-to-door salesmen, because solicitations at your home without a previous appointment are illegal.

[  ] Only buy medicine from reputable pharmacies.

[  ] Know your prescriptions: names, doses, and appearance (size, color, etc.).  This is useful not just for avoiding fraud, but also for confirming your pharmacy’s product as well as for any doctor or hospital visits you may encounter, where you will surely be asked to list the medicines (and dosages!) you’re taking.
More information:


  1.  “With modern science, who needs wrinkles?” Fake anti-aging products

Similar to the prescription drug scams, these scams involve charging patients for procedures using unregulated, privately manufactured drugs that pose serious risks.

[  ] Be wary of anything that seems too good to be true, or that purports to act as a cure-all.

[  ] Research a product extensively before trying it, including checking with the BBB (Better Business Bureau) to find out if there have been any complaints against it.

[  ] Always check with your doctor before taking any sort of supplement.
More information:


  1. “Update! Click here…” – Internet fraud (including email/phishing)

Seniors are particularly at risk for such scams due to their reduced comfort with computers and the internet.  From fake anti-virus programs through phishing scams that harvest personal information through a request for updates.

[  ] Be careful about opening attachments (which often can contain viruses) as well as clicking links in emails (scammers can use letters/symbols that mimic actual letters/symbols to build a fake site that can lure you into entering your password details).

[  ] If you haven’t reset your password and receive any emails about resetting your password, independently visit the site in question and check your account.  Change your password immediately; consider calling the site’s customer support line to report the incident and make sure there are no further security measures you can take.

[  ] Monitor your bank statements vigilantly for fraudulent charges. Often, scammers will start with a small charge, just to confirm that the account is active (and also so that it is less easily spotted).  Call your bank immediately if you see anything strange.
More information:


  1.  “I am a Nigerian prince…” – Financial schemes

Seniors might be tempted to invest their money if it means increasing the longevity of their savings, and so myriad scams exist to draw them in, promising yields on their investments.

[  ] Do not ever send money to someone you don’t know.

[  ] If you receive an email claiming to be from a Nigerian prince or some other comparable obvious scam, mark it as Spam.  Often, it will have some sort of “sob story” designed to get you to feel bad for the sender and want to help them in any way you can; do not fall for this.

[  ] If you receive a letter in the mail claiming to be a from a Nigerian prince (or something comparable), or requesting your banking information, take it to the FBI office nearest you or to the US Postal Inspection Service.
More information:


  1. “You’ve won the lottery!” Contest scams

An announcement of a sweepstakes win is here linked with a need to invest to ‘unlock’ the prize.  Victims quickly send the money and receive a check, which bounces several days later.

[  ] Sweepstakes are free; there should never be a ‘buy-in’, especially if it promises you increased odds at winning – that should be a clear red flag for potential scam activity.

[  ] Be particularly wary of contests that you did not enter but announce that you are a winner.

[  ] Always read the terms and conditions for any contest in which you participate or from which you receive correspondence, as they should lay out the rules, procedure for entry, and even the probability of winning.
More information:


  1. “Hello there, we need your help!” – Bogus Telemarketers

Because of their comfort in using the phone for transactions and communication, seniors are a prime target for fake telemarketers, who maximize on the opportunity to use voice-only means.  Some of the scams include raising money for fake charities and fake accidents.

[  ] Register your phone on the National Do Not Call Registry.

[  ]  If you are being rushed through a call or asked to give/confirm your account information – don’t.  You can even hang up in the middle of the call.  These telemarketers are just trying to get you to say ok so that they can later claim that you allowed them to charge you.

[  ]  Click on the resources below (under “More information”) to see the types of “lines” that are most commonly used by telemarketers.
More information:

Talking about IMPORTANT things

I had the honor of speaking at a fundraiser for Wilderness Journey Ministries this weekend.  IMG_0424They do the wonderful work of helping families and loved ones communicate effectively and lovingly when a life-threatening diagnosis is received.  I love their slogan: “Helping families face a life-threatening illness holding Christ’s hand.”

It seems a bit surreal sometimes to be the person offering perspective and encouragement to others in need.  It just wasn’t that long ago when I was the one in need.  I am so happy to offer hope by being an example of successful, ongoing recovery.  With each story of not-so-successful recovery, I am reminded how important The Team is!  No one recovers alone.

Hearing stories of families who needed a terminal illness to finally learn how to talk about the important things was an eye-opener.  I guess we put off those important discussions because we assume there is always tomorrow so why rush it?  Every story included the realization that having the important conversations brought them closer and they were sorry they waited so long.  Good lesson to learn.

Jill Viggiano

Good…but different

After giving my speech last week, an audience member thanked me for talking about how “normal life” changes after a dramatic event.  He talked about the realization that “recovery” doesn’t necessarily mean going back to the way things were.

This is an important distinction.  In my speech, I talk about Gordon’s and my decision that life was still going to be good after his stroke, even though it was going to be different.   When our “normal life” was taken away from us, we chose to embrace the different life we were given.

There is still love and happiness to be had in this different life.  Yes, I miss the old life sometimes but I cannot let myself dwell on it.  It is gone.  We have today and it is good–good but different.

Jill Viggiano